But there’s one challenge that may prove too much for the comedian and actor: a quiz about 5G.
Key was in New York to promote the launch of Metro, T-Mobile’s longtime but newly named prepaid arm. Rather than talk about that, I opted to quiz him on the next generation of cellular technology.
5G promises to bring higher speeds and potentially change our lives by connecting everything around us. Given all the attention on 5G, it’s easy to forget that not everyone knows what it is — even if most agree that they want it. See Key gamely try to figure out what 5G is in the middle of our interview.
The following is a lightly edited transcript of our chat.
Q: What excites you about 5G?
Key: It’s one better than 4G, and it’s two better than 3G. Who doesn’t want something that’s two better than something else?
What are you going to do with that extra G?
Key: I’m just going to assume G means a thousand. But this is the tech world, it could mean a Googleplex. It could be one Googleplex more than 4G.
I’m going to download every single show that I can remember from my childhood. Remember there’d be an episode of Laverne and Shirley, and you go, What was that episode? I’m going to download all the old Garry Marshall and Norman Lear shows from my childhood.
How do you plan on taking advantage of the low latency connection?
Key: The high latency connection is way too much for me. I can’t deal with that many latency. I need lower latency. I don’t want to be latent a high amount of time. I want to drop it low.
I’m going to take advantage of it by doing more. The less latent I am, the more I get done. I don’t want to be in potential. I want to be doing it.
What do you think about the government’s effort to get more millimeter wave spectrum to the carriers?
Key: I really wish the government would get on the stick and just start moving to centimeter, as opposed to millimeters. Why can’t we just get a whole meter of spectrum? I will let my tax dollars go from millimeters to meters.
It’s all about having more storage, you know what I mean? I guess.
5G is supposed to power everything from self-driving cars to remote surgery. What application are you looking forward to the most?
Key: I would like a little more hologram technology. Since I heard the phrase, ‘Help me Obi-Wan, you’re my only hope,’ I want more of that in my life.
I’m a big people person. I would love to have the meetings like in Kingsman, where even if I’m looking at an image that’s holographic, I can still make eye contact. I know where you’re actually coming from.
The last thing I want is to have someone on the phone with me when someone’s doing this to me (his eyes roll back). I want to be able to make sure I’m interacting. I’m really kind of interested in holographic technology.
I would love to use 5G for an immersive interactive sports experience. I’d probably prefer to sit home and watch the game from the ref’s perspective than sitting in the first row.
Wouldn’t it be great if a father in Switzerland could be helping his son building his new bike in Denver?
Had you heard anything about 5G before this interview?
Key: Have I heard of it? Of course. Everybody’s heard of it. Are you out of your mind? I don’t know a person in America who hasn’t HEARD — all caps — about 5G. Are you kidding me?
Do you know what it is?
Key: That’s a very good question. Oh, I’m sorry, someone’s calling me away and I have to leave.